Samgyeopsal Thoughts
To celebrate Patrick’s new employment, we went to our favorite Korean restaurant and ordered our usual samgyeopsal package. The place was so smoky and smelly, and the food was so greasy but yummy. After getting out of the cab, I thought I was going to die of oil-overdose right at the small gate to the right of the apartment building. I almost called Angela to get out of the room and save me, but I did not die! 😌😂
I did not, but here’s what came after I rested my heavy head on my pillow.
Many of my thoughts these days circle around the choices I have made in the personal, professional and emotional aspects of my life. Sometimes, I wonder what made me want this, or what made me want to get away from that. Life has a unique way of giving me headaches; really.
Lately, I have been questioning my capability to efficiently maintain a personal savings account. It's not like I'm planning to buy a brand new car or a house in an exclusive village. It's just that I feel like what I have made is still just not enough. I sometimes think: "Sana nag invest nalang ako para lumalaki pera ko." Other times, I feel reassured that I neither gain nor lose any money.
On days when traffic's really bad, I feel lucky that I have my bicycle to use. I can just leave my place early to avoid the traffic congestion. However, when I arrive at my workplace perspiring like hell, I tell myself: "Sana sumakay na lang ako ng jeep."
In the past months, I have been constantly excited about work. Every day brings new challenges. The scope of my job is so enormous that I feel like a little kid just starting to explore the world. On days when I am reminded of my deliverables, I feel less and less of the hardworker that I am. I feel insufficient as a professional. Everything is new and confusing to me, but everything is old and boring for the rest of us. Everything I do at work, I constantly need affirmation that I am doing it right. Repetition and having a more-knowledgeable-other in a learning environment is my learning style. Sometimes, I feel upset and disappointed. Other times, I feel satisfied when I finish one step of the process. Still, I accept that new places and faces mean new challenges and unlimited queries. I feel thankful for those who always respond to my call-for-help with kindness.
You see, life has brought me to so many places and have made me meet so many faces. It gives me headaches sometimes. I wonder how I was able to survive whatever I have survived in life. I feel strong and vulnerable at the same time.
To all those who feel like they're lagging behind, to those who feel blessed and happy, to those who are confused and anxious, have a little faith in yourself. Do not stop trying. We all have places we belong to, and we all have strengths others will never be able to see.
For tonight, I will sleep knowing that I am safe from any sort of heart attack, and rest knowing that I have food to eat and friends to meet tomorrow.
Bless you!
